Update

It’s been long since I wrote something on this page. Have been busy, lazy, depressed, worried….everything but creative! It feels as though so much has happened in the past few months, and yet, practically speaking, my life is just the same. Well, of course, the experiences were not the best, but I must say, they were so many that I didn’t realize how time flew.
As of now, things are starting to get a little better, (touchwood!) and I just hope that I don’t get back to my old self again, which I hate. When I say my old self, it is definitely not like me at all. It is some superficial control on me, something that takes me over and makes me do things that I don’t want to, which I regret later. Hope “she” never returns.
Ok, so now I’m looking forward to this break, I’m going home actually, but again I won’t be able to freak out coz I have my exams round the corner and I have lots to do. So I just hope that the change of place and change of activities would do me good.
So goodbye to the old year that made me miserable and here’s to the new one that, hopefully, would begin on a positive note…….Merry Christmas and a happy new year to all!!

Not-so-perfect!

Yes I have heard this before that life has its ups and downs. And it’s the “downs” (which occur too often!) that gets to you but we need to be patient and let it pass. But, like any other philosophy of life, it is better said than done.

When you are having a bad time, nothing seems to work. Instead, it just gets worse till the time you don’t remain capable of proving your sanity to yourself (which, let me tell you, is the worst part!!). You blow your head off but the problems just keep adding up and piling up like colorful scoops of ice cream on top of each other…...not as yummy as it may sound!

But, practically speaking and having learned from past experiences I can say that the truth does lie in the fact that the sun needs to set for it to rise again the next day. And it’s only when you know what darkness is that you will appreciate the significance of light.

Naah, I don’t want to turn this into some kind of a weighty message…..nope! Just wanted to point out that if you are having a bad day, just remember that it’s not going to stay forever. Simple!

Snowy

She was cold and lost. She lay there, cuddled, in a cardboard box when I first saw her. She was small, a beautiful white in color and that’s how she got her name, Snowy. She was kept outside one of our hostel rooms. When enquired I was told that one of our hostel mates had found her wandering alone in the garden the previous day and because it was really cold outside she got little Snowy in. The news of Snowy’s arrival spread so fast that within minutes a crowd gathered around her. Everyone wanted to see the cute little kitten. She sat there, inside the box, looking at us with her big round eyes. She was a beauty! But when someone would come near to touch, she would move to a corner of the box and ‘meow’ them away. So, not wanting to frighten her further, we let her be. During the two days that she stayed with us, she was all what we would talk about. Every now and then someone would buy her things to eat and we were pleased to find that she was getting used to us. But then, we had to let her go. Snowy was a baby. She had to find her mother. And she would have to do it on her own. And so, after two memorable days spent with her, we let her out in the garden. But she just stood there looking at us in question, not knowing what to do. When she didn’t budge, we gave her a slight push towards the bushes, indicating that she should be going that way. And then suddenly as though she heard something, she jerked her head and dashed away towards the bushes. We believed that she returned to her folks and we ourselves, returned back to our rooms.

Ah, the Indian mango season!

Once again it’s that time of the year when one can see carts and loads of mangoes everywhere- different varieties of them from all over the country. Just yesterday my mom-in-law, hubby, son and I drove to the ever so famous Natural ice cream shop because we knew some “mango specials” would have arrived. And to our (and our taste bud’s!) pleasure we found that we weren’t wrong. As we were waiting in the car, my hubby got us mango fudge. First a layer of mango ice cream, and then freshly cut mango pieces topped with a huge scoop of mango ice cream again. The sweet taste of mangoes is something every Indian craves for. And I’m no different! I had my first bite of the fruit and my mouth savored the juicy and delicious taste that satisfies me each and every time I have it. Within no time, we had emptied our bowl and needless to say it was an ultimate contentment attained. But the good news is that this is just the beginning and there are lots more variety of mangoes to come during this season. And I eagerly await the same.

Welcome, O king of fruits!

Reverie

Gia ran towards the door but couldn't help getting drenched all over. It was pouring, literally, and Gia was wondering when she had last seen the rains so bad. She waved at John who had so kindly offered to drop her home, at this late hour. John waved back from inside the car and drove away. Gia turned towards her door and after fumbling for a few seconds, found the keys to her home. Home. Yes, this was her home. She lived alone, all by herself, but she was never lonely. She liked being alone. Friends would drop in occasionally but she loved to have her home all to herself. It was her cocoon and she felt the same warmth as she feels everyday when she opens the door as she did today. It was dark, very dark inside. Gia switched on the lights. She threw her bag on the table and slumped down on the couch. She was tired. She closed her eyes and instantly was summarizing the day’s events……getting late to the office thanks to the traffic, problems with team members, Jenny, her sister, upset for not having called for more than a week……. It was when this train of thoughts ran through her mind that she first felt it. She felt someone…someone in her room. Gia opened her eyes but saw no one. She listened, but didn’t hear anything. Maybe it was her imagination. She sighed and closed her eyes again. “I am tired!” she told herself. “Am going to hit the bed earlier than usual tonight…” And there it was again! The same feeling! Gia sat up. She looked around, but all she could see was the big window of the room which opened to the lawn. The curtains were flying from the storm outside. It looked eerie but Gia assured herself that there was nothing wrong. With the little courage that she had she got up and was just about to move when she felt the presence so close that she turned. And then it hit her. She felt a mass of emotions overpowering her. Gia closed her eyes. She saw flashes. A happy life, filled with laughter and joy, and then the excitement and pleasure of falling in love, the dreams of a beautiful life together, the ugly face of deception, tears, frustration, anger , and then…….betrayal! Gia opened her eyes. She was gasping and had tears in her eyes. She realized that someone was trying to tell her something. Unwillingly, she closed her eyes again. As if someone was influencing her. She could see clearly now. The evil face of a man, who had his hands around a woman’s neck, strangling her! The woman was holding onto him when she pulled out the golden chain that was dangling from his neck. It had a beautiful pendant with an “R” embossed in it and painted with a light shade of pink. Gia could feel the agony of the woman, not the fear of death but the pain of being betrayed by someone she trusted the world with. Tears ran down her face. She didn’t want to control them…she let them flow…and then… everything went blank.

When Gia opened her eyes, she found herself lying on the couch with a splitting headache. It was 7 in the morning and she slowly sat up and thought about last night. She raked her brains enough to make sense out of it and finally labeled it as a dream. A dream that seemed so real that she had almost believed it!

The next 2 months were regular and nothing out of the ordinary happened. Then one day she received a parcel form her Aunt Ann. There was a small box and a letter. Gia sat down to read the letter first. Aunt Ann always wrote lengthy letters. She had moved into her new home and found the neighborhood quite satisfactory. Also, Uncle Henry had been making new friends to bore them with his old war time stories! And then the letter ran with the little events taking place in their new home. While concluding, Aunt Ann wrote that when she was moving her things from her old place, she had found her mother’s souvenir and that she thought Gia might be interested to keep it. It was all that was left of her mother’s remembrance. Gia put down the letter and took the box in her hand. She had always been fond of her mother and anything belonging to her would definitely be dear to her. She couldn’t wait to see what was inside and opened the small maroon box. And as she opened it, her eyes grew wide and her mouth dropped open. She couldn’t believe her eyes! There, in the tiny box, lay a golden chain and a pendant with an “R” embossed in it and painted in a pink shade.

Farewell...

When I bid farewell, I didn’t know what I was going to miss. I didn’t know that I was making a terrible mistake. A mistake that I would regret for the rest of my life. I just had to get him out of my mind, my heart, my life…that was all I could think of. I was putting an end to a beautiful phase of my life. And I did just that…brutally.

One of my friends calls me “stone-hearted”. He says I don’t and cannot have any feelings for anybody. Yeah, he’s right. After all I did do something that was unforgivable, unforgettable.

No, I am not going to give reasons as to why I didn’t accept love. It was something that I had chosen for myself. The only thing, perhaps. I had it all…abundant love that was enough for a lifetime. I can’t say I declined it. But what I did was chuck it in a box, lock it up, and ditched the key in some corner of my heart, marking it in bold as “PAST”.

I ensured myself that I did the right thing and that since it was the past it would never return and shouldn’t bother me. But somewhere in that box I had also locked up a part of myself, my true self. And it was only after a while that I realized that I belonged to my past. That no matter how much I try to shun it all away; it will always come back to me and remain a part of me.

I had broken someone’s heart, a crime that is worse than murder perhaps. Of course, I suffered too, but that doesn’t count. It doesn’t matter. Anymore.

Now that I repent and remorse, nothing’s going to change. But the next time I take leave of my friends, I’ll be careful not to make the same mistake. Not to say “farewell”, not to say...”The end” to a relationship.

Love is the best thing that can happen to you, but only if you let it.